


Jared's Birthday

by spinnerofyarns



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: M/M, birthday fic, sweet functional husbands week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-14 11:13:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8011471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spinnerofyarns/pseuds/spinnerofyarns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared doesn't actually know when his birthday is, so Richard creates one for him.</p><p>Cute mindless fluff for Sweet Functional Husbands Week!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jared's Birthday

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! If you're reading this and/or if you've ever enjoyed anything I've written, I hope you'll consider participating in the SV fan fundraiser for CAIR and the ACLU. You can donate anytime between now and March 15, and any little bit helps! Go here for more info: https://svagainsttyranny.tumblr.com/

            The idea first came into Richard’s head while wandering around a mall with Jared shortly after Halloween. They’d walked into Lush, and Jared was looking wistfully at the display of bath bombs.

            “Jared, you’re practically drooling, just get one,” Richard said, slipping an arm around Jared’s slim waist. He didn’t quite get what made this store so special – soap was soap was soap, and besides, everything smelled way too intensely fruity or floral or whatever – but he could see that Jared enjoyed it.

            “Oh, no,” Jared shook his head. “That’s way too indulgent, I’m not spending that much money on something I can only use once and then literally wash down the drain.” He picked up a plain white globe and scrutinized it.

            “That’s my favorite!” said the altogether too perky (in Richard’s opinion) assistant. “You have to throw it into the tub before you start the water, and then it gets really foamy and makes the water bright pink, and it smells _so good_. I’d definitely recommend that one, especially if this is your first bath bomb experience.”

            “Oh, um…thank you,” Jared said, putting it back. “I…I’m not sure. We’re just browsing. Thank you though.”

            “Okay, let me know if I can help you with anything!”

            _How can someone be so astoundingly perky without serious mind-altering substances?_ Richard wondered as he followed Jared to a display of something called “shower jellies”, which looked like colorful, slightly shimmery jello.

            “Here, Richard, I just wanted you to smell this and tell me if you like it,” Jared said, handing Richard a container with a vividly green jelly in it. Richard rolled his eyes a little but took a sniff.

            It smelled like pine sap, like the forest behind his parents’ house that he’d hidden in countless times when he was upset. Richard blinked in surprise, then sniffed again. Nope, it was _specifically_ the sap, not the needles or anything else that pine-scented products usually used. It was…nice.

            “I love it,” he said. “What is it?”

            “I see you’ve found the shower jellies!” Another obnoxiously perky assistant, this one with horn-rimmed glasses and vibrant purple hair. “I love these. You can pinch off a bit and crumble it into your loofah, or just rub the gel directly on your skin or hair in the shower. It’s like soap, but more fun!”

            “You should get it, darling,” Jared said.

            Richard nodded. “I think I will. And you should get yourself one of those…bath thingies.”

            Jared smiled. “No, it’s fine, I don’t need any of them.”

            Richard looked at him. “Look, I’ll get you one, make it a birthday present.” He cringed as soon as the words were out of his mouth. “Oh. Shit. Sorry, love, I totally forgot. I’m sorry.” Jared had mentioned not knowing when his birthday was even before they’d started dating.

            “It’s fine. I mean, I _think_ it was sometime in December, but I don’t know for sure.” Jared shrugged. “It doesn’t really matter anyway. I’ve been putting down completely random dates on documents for ages.”

            Richard bit his lip. Jared could be so heartbreaking without even realizing it.

            As they stood in line to check out, Richard pulled out his phone and texted Monica.

            _I had an idea, need your help. It’s for Jared._

            She responded almost immediately. _What happened now?_

_Nothing’s happened, I just want to give him a proper birthday._

This time Monica’s answer took a bit longer. _I thought he didn’t have a birthday._

Richard rolled his eyes. _Yes, Monica, that’s the point. That’s why I want to plan one for him, because it’s probably been like 20 years since someone did._

_Well when you put it that way… I’m in. What do you need?_

*   *   *

            The next few weeks were a frenzy of party planning. Richard delegated the phone calls to Monica because talking to strangers on the phone made him want to jump out of his skin, and he handled emails.

            Given that the party was going to be just them and their friends and Richard’s mother and sister chilling in Richard and Jared’s apartment, eating pizza and cake and burying Jared in the affection he deserved, most of the work could be done through email.

            Richard decided to set the party for December 16, which happened to be a Saturday. That gave his family enough time to make travel plans, and all their friends enough time to find decent gifts, but wouldn’t interfere with any other holiday plans.

            Shortly before Thanksgiving, Monica texted him at 3 AM.

            _Do you happen to have Jared’s chest circumference, torso length, arm length, bicep circumference, wrist circumference? Preferably in inches?_

Richard raised his eyebrows. What the hell was Monica up to?

            _38, 20, 25, 9.5, 6.5. Why?_

_That was disturbingly quick. I’m going to make him…well it was going to be a sweater but now I might downgrade that to a vest._

_Oh. Well, he likes his sweaters kinda loose so you might want to add about an inch to each of those measurements._

_Ok. Thanks, Richard. Go to sleep._

Richard chuckled. _Says the person who’s also awake at 3 AM._

_…ok you have a point there._

*   *   *

            A week before Jared’s Official Birthday, Richard went back to Lush and found the assistant with the purple hair who had convinced him to get that shower jelly.

            “Hi! I remember you,” she said, “you and your…boyfriend?” She paused, looking at him for confirmation, and he nodded, “you guys were so sweet. I’m Vi, how can I help you today?”

            “It’s…actually it’s for my boyfriend,” Richard said, “his birthday’s coming up and I wanted to get him a bunch of those cute bath bomb things, I was hoping you could help me pick them out?”

            “Oh sure! What kind of scents does he like?” Vi led Richard over to the wall of bath bombs and he stared for a minute, overloaded by all the bright colors and strong scents.

            “Um…florals, mostly. Nothing particularly strong. He likes…I have no idea how to put it but I guess clearly defined scents? Like, you can tell exactly what it is?”

            “Oh, I know exactly what you mean. Here, smell this one.” Vi plucked a pink and purple globe from a bin marked _Sex Bomb_. “Ignore the name, just smell it,” she said when Richard raised his eyebrows.

            He obeyed. It smelled like roses and some other flower he couldn’t identify but Jared probably could. “Oh, I like that one.”

            Vi packed the bomb into a little paper bag. “Okay, how does he feel about glitter?”

            “Um…I’m not quite sure but I wouldn’t risk it.”

            “In that case, take a couple of these.” She handed him a bath bomb shaped like a little blue robot. “It’s lavender and chamomile, very soothing, and look how cute it is.”

            It was pretty cute. Richard considered getting one for Big Head as well, but decided it wasn’t worth the teasing that would undoubtedly ensue. “Okay, I’ll take…two of those, I guess.”

            “Okay, I’ve just got a couple more I’m going to show you. This one’s seasonal,” Vi said, handing Richard one of the white bath bombs he remembered Jared liking. He sniffed it – apple, just like the other assistant had said.

            “I remember he liked this one when we were here, so I’ll definitely get one,” he said. “And do you have anything that smells like that green shower jelly stuff I got last time I was here? The pine-scented one?”

            “We have Guardian of the Forest,” Vi said, rooting around one of the bins and coming up with a green ball with a tree drawn on it in a lighter shade of green. “That’s got cypress extract just like your shower jelly.”

            “Okay, one of those, and…have you got anything, um, bubbly?” The question felt incredibly stupid and Richard cringed a little.

            “We’ve got a whole selection of bubble bars here,” Vi let him over to a table in the corner. “I personally like this one, which is very nice and citrusy,” she pointed to a blue bar with pink stars embedded in the middle, “and this one, which is just lavender.” This time she pointed to a purple and white cone with a lavender stalk sticking out of it.

            “Okay, um, I’ll take one of each I guess,” Richard said.

            “Great choice,” Vi said, packing up the bubble bars in tiny paper bags and adding them to Richard’s basket. “Anything else?”

            “Um, no, I think that’s it?”

            “Okay, just come right over here and I can ring you up.”

*   *   *

            Richard managed to wake up before Jared on the morning of December 16th, but just barely – Jared wandered, bleary-eyed and sleepy, into the kitchen as Richard was struggling with the stove.

            “Ah, fuck, why won’t this damn thing work – oh! Good morning, darling!”

            “It’s odd to see you already awake, Richard,” Jared said. “I missed you.” He wrapped his long arms around Richard’s waist and placed a kiss on the top of his head.

            Richard abandoned his struggle with the stove and turned around to kiss Jared. “Happy birthday, darling.”

            “Richard, you know I don’t know when my – what’s that?” Jared had finally noticed the Lush gift bag – one of those cute tote bags with the boxing rabbits on it - on the kitchen counter.

            “It’s my present to you. I know you don’t actually know when your birthday is but that just means it could be any day you want, right? So, why not today?” Richard could tell he was talking way too fast and his face was probably turning an alarming shade of red and oh _god_ this was hands down the _stupidest_ idea he’d had in his entire life.

            Jared looked like he was about to cry. “Your present? You – you got this? For me? Why?”

            “Because I saw you in that shop, I saw how happy you were, I thought…I don’t know, I thought you’d like it. Forget about it. It was such a stupid idea oh my god.” Richard buried his face in Jared’s chest so Jared couldn’t see how red he was.

            “No, just the opposite, it’s…incredibly sweet. You’re always so kind to me, Richard,” Jared hugged him tighter. “Thank you so much.”

            “So you’re okay with the idea of making today your birthday?” Richard asked.

            “Sure! It could be fun, I haven’t really celebrated since I was…gosh I don’t even remember!” Jared half-chuckled.

            “Oh, good, I don’t have to make Monica cancel everything.” Richard said.

            “What? Monica was involved in this?” Jared asked, confused.

            “I just…needed her help with a few things. Phone calls. But anyway, go open your present. I’m making gluten-free pancakes. Hopefully. If I don’t fuck anything up.” Richard returned to struggling with the stove, pausing only to look at Jared’s face as he unwrapped all the ridiculous overpriced bath products in the basket.

            Richard hadn’t seen him that happy in a while.

*   *   *

            Monica showed up around noon, after Richard and Jared had eaten breakfast and taken a bath together with one of Jared’s bath bombs. (Richard had to admit, cuddling – and sex – in warm pink apple-scented water was actually pretty nice.)

            “Right, I’ve got cups, plates, knives, forks, and I managed to find a gluten-, egg-, and dairy-free chocolate cake. I’m not quite sure what’s in it besides chocolate, but at least you’re not going to die.” Monica placed 2 large bags on the kitchen counter. Jared took one and started unpacking, arranging the flatware on the table.

            “Richard, did you pick up chips and drinks?” Monica asked.

            “Yeah they’re in the hall closet, one sec.”

            “When on earth did you manage to – “ Jared began, but Richard, reappearing with an armload of snacks, cut him off.

            “You were watching that bird documentary a few weeks ago and you just…completely zoned out so I made a snack run.” He put the chips on the counter and went back for the drinks, calling over his shoulder “Monica, if you need help, Jared probably knows where everything is way better than I do!”

            Jared laughed. “Clearly that’s not true, since you managed to hide those from me for almost a week.”

            Richard came back holding two 6-packs of cider. “I kept expecting you to stumble across them while cleaning or something. I had this whole elaborate explanation for it and everything.” He stood on tiptoe to kiss Jared on the cheek. “Monica, you put in the pizza order, right?”

            “Yeah, I’m going to go pick it up in a minute. You’ve got a playlist, right?”

            “On my computer. I have to run and pick Mom and Josie up from the airport, can you handle everything else here?” Richard asked, grabbing his car keys from the bowl by the door.

            “Oh, your family’s coming?” Jared asked.

            “Of course. You’re practically their third son,” Richard said, coming back to kiss Jared, properly this time.

            Monica made a face. “Get a room, you two.”

            “Oh, like you and Elizabeth aren’t all over each other when you’re together,” Richard quipped. “By the way, is she coming tonight?”

            “Yeah, she might be a bit late but she promised she’d make an appearance.” Monica said. “Now go pick up your mother and sister, we’ll handle everything.”

*   *   *

            Jared hadn’t known he could love Richard any more than he already did, but as he sat on the couch wearing the pale blue sweater vest Monica had made for him, flipping through a photo album assembled by Richard’s mother, with Richard feeding him cake and all their friends and loved ones scattered around the room, he realized he absolutely could.

            “I still can’t believe you did this for me, Richard,” he said, on the verge of tears. “I mean, no one’s ever…”

            Richard fed him another forkful of cake. “Shush. Of course I did this for you, you’re my boyfriend and I love you.”

            “I love you too.”

*   *   *

            Later, when everyone had gone home and they had cleaned up the apartment and were lying in bed together, wrapped around each other, Jared’s head on Richard’s chest, Jared thanked Richard again.

            “Today was the happiest I’ve been in a really long time,” he said. “I didn’t realize having a birthday would be this nice. Thank you, darling.”

            Richard kissed the top of his head. “You’re welcome, babe.”

            Jared snuggled closer to Richard and very sleepily and lazily said “Marry me?”

            Richard, equally sleepy, answered “Yes.” Then, when his brain caught up to his mouth, he sat up suddenly. “Wait, what?”

            “Richard, I love you.” Jared said. “Will you marry me?”

            “I…um…yes. Of course I’ll marry you!” Richard said, falling back onto the pillow.

            Jared snuggled up to him again. “This is definitely my favorite birthday so far.”

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this fic floating around my head ever since I saw that scene in s3 where Jared mentions that he doesn't know when his birthday is because his birth certificate was lost forever.  
> Richard doing nice things for Jared is just so important to me.  
> (Also I just happened to use my best friend's birthday for Jared's birthday, which was a total coincidence because I just wanted him to be a Sagittarius)


End file.
